Someone, please make him stop.
Here’s the basic fact: I can’t think of a single band anywhere that comes close to being as irritating as this bunch of pompous musical douchemonkeys. I’m not saying every song that band has ever done completely sucks, but most of them, yeah, pretty much.
And that’s only half of the problem: you’ve got to take into account the horrors of Matthews’s smirky, pudgy, Vince-Vaughn-that-ate-too-many-pizzas look, his spastic dancing, and the horribly contrived, aw shucks, humble-man-of-the-people patter he tosses in between songs. And as if that weren’t enough, you’ve got that incredibly irritating violin player, the annoying gloved-up drummer, and interludes of cheesy pan flute-like music that make me feel like I’ve been mainlining ex-Lax.
How am I so familiar with them? Well, let me say this about that: maybe it’s just the masochist in me, but every time I see they’re going to be on a late night show, or, as I did tonight, I notice that a concert of theirs is going to be broadcast (some big outdoor fest from 2008 on PLAHD in tonight’s case) I tune in, try to ignore those irritating high pitched “heeeyyys,” that he seems to toss into every other tune, and see if I can figure out why people come out by the millions to listen to them.
And every time I do, I feel like I’m being held down by Ricardo Montalbán’s minions in the Wrath of Khan, and he’s forcing one of those creepy space insects into my brain through my ear canal.
Except in my case, the pain just doesn’t fucking stop.
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you described the band well, except, I think Dave Matthews looks more like a dumb slightly overweight Jeremy Piven. I happen to like Dave Matthews and the music his band cranks out, and being your wife, I know I have to enjoy his tunes in private. not that I seek it out, just that I know choosing it while you are around is a sure way to get your knickers in a twist.
Stop it with the masochist thing (unless it involves Jo, and leather, and chains…and then it’s none of my business).
He was equally annoying in the Because of Winn Dixie movie (although, gawd, in the movie, it was a really tough contest to see who was THE most annoying), but fairly bearable in an old episode of House.
Ah, the worm in the ear…what a great scene! And it showed the world, for once and for all, that Walter Koenig can’t act, mind control or no mind control.
I (thankfully) never saw Because of Winn Dixie. Now (also thankfully) I never will.
The big question we all want answered now: did you get Walter Koenig from your brain, or did you have to imdb it?
Scarily enough, it was in my brain…although it did take me a few seconds to decide whether it was spelled “Konig” or “Koenig”. Don’t ask me about my Star Trek nerdiness or I’ll totally embarrass myself in front of all your readers.
A few bands I could do without:
Third Eye Blind
Stone Temple Pilots
Fucking Kings of Fucking Leon
and …
The Dave Matthews Band
My boyfriend and I disagree about a few, too, and I have learned to enjoy mine separately. But the ones we enjoy together far outweigh them, as I am sure is the case with you guys
I’ll pretty much agree across the board with you, though there are a couple of STP songs I like – plus, Scott Weiland did a pretty bitchin’ duet with Cyndi Lauper on some show I saw. Say what you will, but Cyndi can sing like a motherfucker.
And we actually do agree greatly on most music. Which is impressive because I have a ridiculously eclectic collection. Our big disagreements: I fucking hate DMB (did I make that clear yet?) and she truly dislikes The Who (I’m almost embarrassed to admit that on her behalf).
a propos of nothing I saw this and thought who else would enjoy it?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heavy_metal_umlaut
and I would rather hear 5 Dave Matthews songs than have to endure the brainpincering space-insect voice of Anthony Keidis just once. Maybe we could introduce an aural pain currency exchange; what would you trade off? 1 Keidis = 5 Dave Matthews = 3 Jeff Buckleys. Or this: how many minutes of screaming-baby would you endure, to avoid hearing one 4 minute song by the artist in question?
That wikipedia entry is great. Of course, Motorhead are forgiven all silly umlaut transgressions because they kick ass. They could’ve put an umlaut over every letter and I’d still be ok with it.
I like the aural pain currency idea – though there’s no way 1 Keidis equals 5 Dave Matthews. It does remind me though: am I the only person in the world that thinks Keidis can’t sing in key?
Keidis clearly cannot sing. The question is why do people like it? They are not the studs with socks-on-their-c*cks they once were, and their music was always Minutemen redux at best. And there are 1,000 shirtless guys who can pop a bass like flea. So why, why, why?
(And I would shave and tattoo an umlaut on my nads for Husker Du.)
What’s a c*ck? I know what a cock is, but a c*ck? Not so sure. But your nads would look really funny with an umlaut. One per nut, or a pair for each? BTW – you can’t really group Du in with the rest (though I know they appear in the Wikipedia post), because that’s actually how you spell husker du (no, I won’t bother to look up the ascii code to actually put umlauts it – the umlauts are assumed). I know this because I had the original game http://cgi.ebay.com/1970-Original-Husker-Du-Game-Complete_W0QQitemZ150379723939QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2303547ca3 (which I’d love an actual original copy of – gonna have to monitor that auction)
Actually, THIS was the box I had http://cgi.ebay.com/1970-Husker-Du-Game_W0QQitemZ110439499773QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item19b6b507fd
a)wasn’t sure if wordpress would supress a rude word
b)funny would be an improvement. what was god thinking?
Woah! Just when I thought I had heard it all, today I heard something that set the bar even lower: the Single Most Annoying Song ™ I have ever heard in my life. And I was naked in the shower at the gym so I was unable to flea. Brad – a bet: if you can sit still and listen to all 4.34 of this song I will send you a check for $4.34. If you fail, then you will owe me 4.34 Aural Currency Units.
I thought I had that shit down – made it to 3:19 actually, and the coffee money was in the fucking bag. Then she hit some high note and I quit – I actually, genuinely could NOT finish it. I think I forgot for a moment that I’d get the $4, but even that ….. I don’t know.
Really, really horrible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc
Here’s a “live” version if you can call it that.
Introduced by that dude from Scrubs, who loves it. Chick’s name is Imogen Heap, which is apropos. The shot of the computer running the harmonizing lines in the background reminds me of a line in the William Shatner/Henry Rollins duet “I Can’t Get Behind That” from Shatner’s excellent album Has Been.
(Rollins is still a douche though)