29 April, 2009 | Bradford Schmidt

Get Arlen Specter Some Tamiflu, STAT!

The swine flu strain we should fear.

“I am not prepared to have my 29-year record in the United States Senate decided by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate.”

– Arlen Specter, April 28, 2009

It’s clear to me that Senator Arlen Specter’s (R D – PA) imune system is finally shutting down completely; he has completely lost his ability to fight the swine flu that has infected public office-holders for decades, and his symptoms are impossible to hide any longer.

Arlen Specter puts on a brave face as he continues to fight a (losing) battle with the Swine Flu.

Arlen Specter puts on a brave face as he continues to fight a (losing) battle with the swine flu.

Yesterday, Senator Specter announced that after 29 years in the Senate as a Republican, he’s switching parties and signing up with the Democrats.  Why?  Because for the first time since dinosaurs walked the earth he doesn’t think he can win the 2010 Republican primary in Pennsylvania, and 30 years in office just isn’t enough for him. Now understand something: I couldn’t care less what he calls himself (it’s pretty evident what he is, regardless), nor which party he chooses to attach himself to. But this turns my stomach for so many reasons.

The whole Republican Party betrayal thing isn’t an issue for me, because as far as I’m concerned a hearty blow to the self-esteem of either party is an opportunity for some A-Number-One Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy (patent pending).  What I do have an issue with though, is the betrayal of the electorate in the name of self-service (and not the fun kind, either).  Because assuming Al Franken is seated as a Senator, Specter’s aisle jumping will give the Dems total control of the Senate, with 60 seats (unless Franken has his 70’s writing partner Tom Davis accompany him to DC, which would double his level of annoyance and bring the number of Senators to a wacky 101).  That’s not a good thing for anyone, and if you think it is, well, you’re infected too.

I could also point out that Specter is effectively calling Pennsylvania voters shallow suckers of the worst sort.  He clearly believes they’re more concerned with the label on a legislator than with who they are and what they do. For all I know, he’s completely correct; but how big a douche bag must you be to say that publicly?

What bothers me the most, though, isn’t what Specter did, it’s that what he did is par for the political course. Politicians used to at least pretend that they weren’t simply doing whatever they had to do to get re-elected, but they don’t even phone that performance in any more.  I mean, did you read the quote I started this piece with? It’s so rank it deserves to be reprinted here:

“I am not prepared to have my 29-year record in the United States Senate decided by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate.”

Are you fucking kidding me?  Apparently the strain of swine flu sweeping the Senate is transforming those infected into hypocritical scum-sucking dog colons.  Because what Specter is saying is that the system that he gamed for three decades of public service isn’t good enough for him anymore, that all the people that voted for him are dicks that can’t be trusted to give him what he wants, and so fuck them, little Arlen is taking his ball and leaving.  Luckily for Specter, the Democrats are more than willing play with his balls.

The sad part of all this is that politicians couldn’t get away with this sort of shit if voters paid a little more attention to what legislators were doing instead of the platitudes they spout.  Of course, it doesn’t help that the media does stuff like report on the swine flu story 24/7.  Which, by the way, is one more thing that’s pissing me off this week.  Why? Because it’s another trumped up scare story that people are focusing on instead of what’s really going on.  For one thing it infects people at the same (or lower) rate as traditional seasonal flus, and for another….well I think this transcript of a recent Jeopardy game played in my head will explain the rest:

BONE: “I’ll take ‘U.S. & World Health’ for eight hundred please, Alex.”

TREBEK: “And the answer is: ‘As of April 29, 2009, it’s number of confirmed worldwide deaths attributed to the 2009 swine flu outbreak.’”

DING!

TREBEK: “Bone?”

BONE: “What is eight?”

TREBEK: “Correct. You control the board.”

BONE: “OK, I’ll stay with ‘U.S. & World Health’ for a thousand, please.”

TREBEK: “And the answer is: ‘According to the CDC, it’s the approximate number of people that die in the United States every year from regular seasonal flus.‘”

DING!

TREBEK: “Bone again (hehe)”

BONE: “Um, what is around 36,000?”

TREBEK: “Correct again, for a thousand.  And you still have control of the board, you glorious, brilliant bastard.”

BONE: “Thanks, Alex. OK – Let’s change it up a bit and go with ‘Natural or Silicone’, for two hundred please.”

Anyway, you get the point. Americans are scared of the wrong strain of swine flu (which hasn’t stopped President Obama from asking for another $1.5 billion to fight it).  Senator Specter’s strain is far more prevalent, infecting, by some estimates I’ve made up, over 97% of elected officials.  It’s also far more virulent: it affects not only those infected, but the lives of every poor sap in the infected’s district.

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9 comments to Get Arlen Specter Some Tamiflu, STAT!

  • Bone and Trebek
    Natural or silicone for $200.
    hehe

  • Jack Donohue

    Can somebody explain “hehe” to me? Is “hehe” to “loveyoulongtime” as “lol” is to “happy ending” or am I the only one who perceives a certain Asian mecantile vibe here? No offense Joanna. Probably just in my sick head anyway.

    • It’s just an immature giggle, ala Beavis and/or Butthead (neither of which I liked, even though I love King Of The Hill). It’s Trebek laughing like an eight year old at saying “bone again”. So maybe I’m the one with the sick head.

  • You sure have weird Jeopardy fantasies, dude…thanks for sharing one of the cleaner ones.

    I’m also tired of the scare-mongering, and the party-switching purely to get elected ploys. Some SOB (whose wife had thought about pairing her daughter with my son – I’d rather shoot my son first, TYVM) in our town did that…switched from Libertarian to Repub for a better chance at getting into office.

  • Brom Keifetz

    Buddy:

    This is an all-star post. I’m sticking to the issues here. I’m not going to flirt with you, though. I’ll leave that in Teresa’s capable hands.

    You have called this Specter bullshit exactly for what it is. You know I move money in markets for a living, and the American Political Futures on the screens in the Channel Islands and in Ireland have gotten very deep with small spreads and good amounts. So, I try to stay aware of all these arcane political doings. I was going to go short Arlen Specter for a good amount if I could. I thought that he was very vulnerable to Toomey in the primary and should he have managed to get by Toomey for the Republican nomination he would have had everything he could handle with Brady in the general election.

    Arlen Specter, as you’ve noted, is nothing. He’s the proto-typical Beltway insider politician with no views of any note on any subject. If he has to be right wing he’s the greatest Iraq War specialist on the planet. If he has to be left wing he’s the Duke Of Planned Parenthood. It doesn’t matter because he does know from one day to the next if he’s even alive. He’s just a Senator and wants to keep his seat. Toomey versus Brady is a very interesting race. Toomey is a serious right-winger religious conserative and Brady is a member of the Congressional Progressive Caucus. I’d say he was left of liberal. I’ve read both their sites and they both seem like capable interesting guys with absolutely opposite views on everything. To me, that’s what a campaign ought to be. Voters should have clear choices. If there are primary challenges so much the better. Primaries just force candidates to work harder at their campaigns and sharpen up their points of view, and most of the time the stronger candidate emerges from the primary.

    The finest moment in American politics in recent years in my mind was when the most progressive and most conservative members of the House got together because they agreed that Paulson’s first “bailout” proposal was theft in broad daylight and opposing caucuses on this issue were perfectly in synch and said NO. It was great seeing Blackburn and Kucinich TOGETHER arguing the same points. Somehow, in that scenario, far right and far left shared the same sense of dissent and right and wrong.

    Don’t ever expect to see that again the way Obama and Tim Kaine are trying to fix things. Florida is another example of the voters being robbed of the chance to see a bunch of qualified candidates on the Democratic side (I believe Charlie Crist will have a clear path to the nomination on the Republican side). There were three very strong House Democrats who wanted a shot at Martinez’s seat: Grayson, Klein, and Wexler. They all have different points of view on all sorts of issues and it would have been an interesting primary. None of the three are going to bother now because Obama has subsumed the Democratic National Committee under his own PAC. So, he and Kaine picked a crapola candidate who will get a fortune to play with if anyone DARE challenge him. The guy’s Kendrick Meek and I think he’s Carrie Meek’s son or grandson and has a record of pretty much zero accomplishments and is the same kind of dweeb as Specter. No views. No thought. He’s young so he’s kind of into clothing! He literally knows nothing about economic policy, social policy or foreign policy. The three who are being shut out have a lot of experience not only in the House but in law and business.

    It’s really down to Meek looking sharper in designer suits than any of Grayson, Klein or Wexler. Never mind that Wexler is #2 on the banking commiittee and one of the civil liberties experts in the House. Klein is brilliant on foreign policy and Grayson has a lot of well developed but oddly different views. He’s an Israel and Iraq hawk but one of the strongest liberals on health care and housing. And so on…

    The good thing is that unless something really unpleasant happens, Crist should win it for fun and he’s solid with a number of excellent years as governor.

    • What does it mean when an ex-pat in Panama knows more about U.S. politics than 99% of the electorate here? It means Specter’s ploy has a good chance of working. I haven’t been following the “Meek shall inherit the Florida” story myself (frankly, I’m still suffering political burn-out after the November elections, my own expected loss, and hanging out too much with the Florida Libertarian Party last fall), but it doesn’t surprise me that the guy who looks good in a suit (and will do as he’s told by the DNC) is going to get the shot.

      Florida politics are pretty awful anyway though (as I mentioned in this post which also recaps my own loss if you are interested), so none of this surprises me. But I do appreciate the fact that while I can stay safe in my shallow and snarky writing style, someone bothers to come along and serve up the beef.

  • Ken H

    I’m a lifelong PA Dem (pretty far left leaning) but also a Specter supporter, the ONLY Republican I’ve supported consistently over the years. Although I realize that changing parties to win elections doesn’t sit well with many people, the fact of the matter is that this is a state that is capable of elevating David Duke wannabes like Rick Santorum to the Senate. So I know what Specter means when he disses the primary system. Arlen hasn’t kissed enough PA Republican leadership ass but he’ll still get my vote in the general.

    Brad, you’re not from PA so I understand your position. But as a Philadelphian who has always been at odds with the rustic western part of the state, I applaud Mr. Specter’s ability to navigate the polarized two-party system for this many years.

    • Ken, thanks for your thoughtful response. I appreciate your position and agree with your feelings about Santorum. OTOH, I’m just so disappointed with politicians of both parties in general, it’s hard for me to like anyone at all any more. Behavior like Specter’s just reminds me of that.

      I don’t get the impression many elected officials care about much beyond doing things to get re-elected, regardless of the relative merits of what they’re arguing about. Maybe that’s the nature of the beast, but it still sickens and depresses me. That’s why love to see blows to either party, I’m pro-gridlock, and rue the day that “do nothing Senate” became a pejorative.

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