I’m such a fucking loser. But at least in this case I’m not the only one in the house. Joanna and I watched part one of the Hell’s Kitchen season finale last night and I’m irritated. At the show, at myself for watching it, at myself for wasting my time writing this and throwing good time after bad. The two finalists both suck. They have all the creativity you’d find in a KFC kitchen, coupled with the culinary technical skills of a hot dog vendor. And still I watch it and I still try to guess who will “win.”
Not that I believe they’ll actually win anything, because I don’t see any way that a chef as successful as Gordon Ramsay (who’s involvement in this show is starting to make him look like a fucking hack) would allow either one of the loser finalists to be any thing other than titular executive chef at one of his restaurants. No this doesn’t surprise me. No I’m not stupid enough to believe that reality shows are actually real. Yes I’m stupid enough to watch them.
Wait: Deadliest Catch is real, and it still kicks ass. Problem is that it’s spawned a whole bunch of “me-too” shows, like Axe Men and Ice Road Truckers. The former was ok I guess, the latter though…that show is jarred fart. 44 minutes of guys with Canadian accents driving trucks on the ice. Not slipping or anything, just driving. Sound exciting? Didn’t think so. What about if it’s broken up now and then with a camera shot from under the ice, with a truck rolling by, barely visible? Still doesn’t get you randy, baby? How ’bout we add a voice over reminding you again and again of what would happen if the ice broke (the truck could fall through the ice!)? Still nothing? Then imagine a graphic on the screen telling you just how far below zero it is all the time? You think it still sounds like a show about trucks driving around? It is. It’s a show about trucks driving around. They deliver stuff sometimes. Other times they don’t.
It is exceeded in lameness only by someone that writes about it.
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[...] be expected, and at least they don’t appear to be retarded like some of the cast members on Hell’s Kitchen (no disrespect to the mighty Gordon Ramsay, but I wouldn’t let some of those idiots cook me [...]
Wait, there’s a titular executive chef? How do I get that job? And how lame is Petrozza?
Robey, so…you are as lame as us! Welcome.
Robey: I thought of all people you would give me monster shit for watching this. What else have you been doing that I don’t know about?
Actually, not quite as lame as you because I thought Wipeout was an utter and complete waste of time. Javi, OTOH, did set up his own obstacle course in the living room. Scary.
Now for my own blog:
The latest thing to really piss me off are the blinking brake lights on new American cars. Talk about lame. I might rear end somebody just to prove that they don’t work.
Wipeout is hilarious – when those people bounce back and forth between those big red balls, grunting and squealing…that just never gets old. Of course I’m a big fan of all those Japanese shows like Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke, so I’m predisposed to enjoying that sort of thing.
And I haven’t seen those brake lights on anything but motorcycles, where they annoy me. I still haven’t gotten over how much I hate those big center-mounted brake lights. They look like shit and ruin the lines on my Jeep.
It’s the center mounted ones that blink. Adding insult to injury.
Jarred fart? Is that bad or good?
I’m a loser too…but at least I waited to watch while I was making dinner.
I love Ninja Warrior too. This is getting a little weird.
[...] kicks ass. Even Black Gold doesn’t suck (but then I’m a bitch for Texas), but as I’ve written before, Ice Road Truckers is poop on ice (or as I referred to it in my other post, jarred fart. Which is [...]