Bone In The Fan

Haven’t you caused enough problems?

I’ve written a few times about the billboard in front of the church that I pass fairly often near my house.  Based on that sign, I’ve told you how to make big bucks sinning at home, talked about the SPF of Jesus, why I’d pick up Satan if I saw him hitchiking, and why I’d rather not have God’s big God-ass crushing my photos.

Of all the crappy Photoshop jobs I've done, this ranks among my favorite. Because it's JESUS.

All pretty innocuous stuff, really.  But methinks they’ve gone too far when the advocate a violent uprising against us non-believers.  Here’s their current threat:

No God, No Peace
Know God, Know Peace

Now look Pastor Rambo, I know you feel strongly about this whole God thing, but I thought that whole “you’d better do as we say or we’ll kick your ass” thing went out with the last administration (liberals: quit giggling – you’re just as fucking pushy, just without Guantanamo Bay and the visions of Christ).  Speaking of which, anyone noticed the New! Improved! Cheney?  Now with Kinda-Pro-Gay-Marriage-Rhetoric!  Get some at your local Fox affiliate today.

And another thing: the whole damn slogan doesn’t even make sense. Know God, know peace?  Have these people fucking read the bible? Some of the shit in there makes Pulp Fiction look like a Teletubbies episode.

I can fix it though, really easily.  Like this:

No God, Know Peace.

There.  Feel better? Now all you assholes can (among other things) unstrap your explosive vests, stop beating women for showing their wrists and ankles or stoning them for adultery, stop exterminating your neigboring villages, get the hell out of “occupied” territories,  and quit killing abortion doctors.