Bone In The Fan

18 September, 2009

Welcome To Walmart

Can I offer you an electric scooter?
Walmart bums me out. Not for the reasons it bums most people out though: personally, I like browsing through aisles of low-rent shit at a million o’clock and actually appreciate the ability to buy 500 Advil clones for eight bucks. And don’t bother getting all Michael Moore on my [...]

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13 September, 2009

Kiss? My Ass.

Bronze the tongue hang-up the costumes.
I like Kiss. In the 70’s, the late night commercials advertising their impending invasion of Nassau Colliseum were even kind of creepy. And, lucky me, I got to see them in like 1996 at a surprise outdoor show in Brooklyn, and they fucking killed it.
But as I write this I’m [...]

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23 August, 2009

Soap Duds

In which I’m lazy and use an obvious title that rhymes with a common plural noun.
You’d think that being a partner in a company that makes fresh, handmade soaps and body and bath products would pay off in some way. That the years of work, the thousands of dollars invested, the cabinets filled with awesome [...]

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20 August, 2009

Hey, Aqualung

Snot’s running down my nose.
Yeah, I’ll throw a Tull reference in, because that’s just how I roll (also, snot is running down my nose, both literally and figuratively: I’ve been sick with a badger scrotum of a head cold for three days and a mental cold for far longer). Anyway, even if the power-flute of [...]

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2 December, 2008

The World Is Ending. Paris Hilton Will Survive.

Paris Hilton’s BFF on MTV
Paris Hilton has a TV show on MTV. It’s called “Paris Hilton’s My BFF” or some horseshit along those lines. It’s yet another “reality” show, though this one has the hated “BFF” (best friends forever) acronym in the title, so it automatically sucks. I assume, based on the name, that this [...]

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22 November, 2008

Hey There, Googly Eyes

Please avert your gaze.
I don’t like people with googly eyes. Marty Feldman gets a pass for the line “Abby Normal?” in Young Frankenstein. But other than that, sorry….can’t handle it.
Yet I seem to be seeing a lot of googly eyed people lately.
There’s a mildly googly-eyed woman on the current season of Top Chef for example [...]

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5 November, 2008

Election 2008: The Good, Bad, & Ugly

The view from down here.
A lot of people have asked me how I did in my run for Jupiter Inlet District 5. As expected, I lost – both of the other candidates are long time residents that put up a ton of signs and really worked their contacts. I, on the other hand, posted to [...]

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30 October, 2008

Hi, My Middle Name Is Clark

Not Hussein
Anyone else notice the number of people who have the middle name Hussein? Holy crap! Why, I only have like 30 friends on Facebook, and a couple of them have the middle name Hussein. I wonder if they know that they share a middle name with the guy running for president….. My friends [...]

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Welcome To Walmart

Kiss? My Ass.

Soap Duds

Hey, Aqualung

The World Is Ending. Paris Hilton Will Survive.

Hey There, Googly Eyes

Election 2008: The Good, Bad, & Ugly

Hi, My Middle Name Is Clark

Hey You!

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