Michael Jackson “Earth Song” an insipid mess.
I stopped watching the Grammys a long time ago; before I started earning a living as a recording engineer, before a label insider told me what I had long suspected: that the entire thing was rigged like a Cuban election. I stopped watching simply because it was too painful to see what was so obviously a giant marketing event that bore little resemblance to what it was supposed to be: an awards show for musicians that deserved to be recognized.
Taylor Swift Feigning Surprise
I was reminded of all that last night, when I tuned in three times, for about 5 minutes a shot. The first time I tuned in, Taylor Swift was accepting one of the four awards she was assigned by the labels won, and actually thanked her record company for letting her write every song on her album (uh, yeah, thanks). I suppose that it shouldn’t surprise me that music has become so formulaic and machine-driven that singers actually feel it’s necessary to thank their record company for “letting” them write music on their own album, but it still makes me want to puke.
But then we learned that not only are the songs she writes a hearty pablum/Velveeta blend, she’s also a really shitty singer (at least not without, I suspect, a copious application of Auto-Tune). She proved that the second time I tuned in and found her on screen again (supporting my atheism), this time performing with Stevie Nicks on the old Fleetwood Mac song, “Rhiannon.” To say she was a bit pitchy would be like saying downtown Baghdad is a bit fucked up.
If you can stand listening to it, you’ll see that she butchers what I assume is one of her own songs first, then finds complete disaster in the second, with Nicks (fair warning: if you have any cats in your home, I’d suggest you lock them in a room with no humans or other objects you don’t want clawed up). The last song she sings proves that not only is she a crap singer, her voice, when not treated with effects, is incredibly annoying.
Then I made the mistake of tuning in one last time (actually, this one was by accident; while I was popping in the DVD of Deadgirl the TV blipped to CBS). Lionel Richie was introducing the 3-D presentation of Michael Jackson’s “Earth Song” performed by a whole bunch of singers, the entire list of which I’m too lazy to look up (I do remember that horrible Celine Dion being among them though).
I doubt anyone else will say it, so let me: that song, in fact the whole presentation, sucked. It was silly, it was trite, and it was boring. It was also grammatically incorrect:
“What about all the dreams that you said was yours and mine?”
Please. But when Usher bore down with every bit of love, and soul, and drama he could dig up and delivered the lines:
“What about the elephants?
Have we lost their trust?”
That was about it for me. Because if we’ve lost the trust of the elephants, we’re fucking used. They never forget you know, and we’ll never earn that shit back. Never.
Category: 
Tagged: 
You need to write more regularly, because you make me laugh every day. Now, when you write, you make me belly laugh, too. That elephant comment made me almost tear up!
xo
That was hilarious! I wish I had a more profound way to express this, but I don’t. Glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. I’ve always also had a sneaking suspicion that the whole Kanya West shooting off at the mouth at TS’s expense was orchestrated. I wonder what’s the going rate is for making an ass of yourself is? It may not have been orchestrated, but it seems so… I defy anyone to say that it hasn’t boosted her popularity.
Her voice and music are very mindful of the 3rd grade Follies production I was a proud performer in. Thank god I never pursued a musical career! I can imagine the REAL singers of the past wondering how the excitement and joy they gave us, evolved into boring, lifeless and embarrassing slush!
oh, hellz. what did stevie nicks do to deserve that? as if having her own song butchered wasn’t enough? she was forced to sing teeney bopper pop? seriously. there had to be someone with a live bomb right behind her.
(also? the elephants? laws)
TOTALLY AGREE!
Thank you for being so brutally honest!
Forget thanking the record label for letting her write her own songs… Taylor should have been thanking Kanye for letting her accept her award this time
I really enjoyed that. I don’t think I have ever watched the Grammy Awards, so I have never thought about it being fixed or not. I try to stick to the important award shows, “Best Root Vegetable”, or Veggies as they are more commonly known and the coma patient awards, ironically also called the Veggies.
I refuse to watching anything with Celine Dion in it, or remotely near it…and I say that as a proud (read: indifferent) Canadian.
I’m also proud (this time not so indifferently) to say that I’ve never heard Swift sing, and I don’t think I’ll let you tempt me into clicking on that YouTube clip (despite your skill wielding your sharp wit).
I must confess. I love Taylor swift and now I feel ashamed
I’ve just tuned into my last Grammy Awards show. It sucked. Wouldn’t you think Taylor Swift, or somebody within her inner cirle, would have realized that she cannnot hold a note. BRUTAL vocals! The Awards show has become such an obvious farce. It is truly embarrassing to watch. I had to just shut it down..There are some great artists out there but we didn’t see too much of tha this year. Condolances to Stevie Nicks……that song has been forever tarnished.
It was sad to see Stevie Nicks sing a stupid teenie bopper song. I’m not a fan of Swift b/c the lyrics are very juvenile & she sounds kinda bad live. The grammy’s annoy me b/c so many great artists out there are passed up for crap-The grammy’s should be ashamed for putting on a funky show. Honor the real talents & don’t make the viewers suffer.
I LOVE Taylor Swift! So what if all of her performances arn’t perfect!? She’s only human.
Aren’t perfect? Did you watch the clip?
No excuse
Hilarious
My god. I didn’t see the grammys, but I heard how bad she sucked when someone mentioned it on the radio, so I had to google it. All I did was google, “Taylor Swift sucks on grammys” and I got a TON of results. You were spot on about her performances. She is terrible, and I’m not sure why she has so many fans. And seriously, was it just me or did Stevie Nicks seem very annoyed?
I think mortified is more accurate.